Living Darkness
by Fanchick111
Summary: Rin feels like she's drowning in her own fate. how can she cope with a god who hates her existance and the thougths of her true love taunting her? may the answer lie in a new hope, Tohru Honda? a story of strenth. rated for slight language. plz R and R!
1. Only Me

**A/N:: hey guys……fanchick has returned!! And I have a brand new idea!!! Now, I've been pushing this idea around my mind for a LONG TIME now, and I couldn't think of what to happen next, so….this is it!**

**It's a Isuzu fic, because she's my favorite fruba character (aside from Kyo…), so…ya…I think I should explain what happens, but I really don't wanna, so u must live without. **

**This is a fresh idea, so don't KILL me…im not even sure if its that good. Usually I have my friend Em scan over an idea before I put it on, but I guess I didn't really feel like calling her and doing as such, so whatever.**

**Now, I am getting a lot of questions about why I always write stories about the 'backstage' characters and not the ones in front of my fricking face. This is because I find the characters in the background SO much better, because their lives are pretty much open to write about without getting comments like, "That's not how it happens, DUH you retarded moron!!" so, I choose to write about them…. and just personal preference to the not-main-characters…but this does not mean I still don't find Kyo the HOTTEST guy in ANY manga EVER…he's so sexiness, it hurts my eyes…((ok, SOMEON:: I need a dictionary….i have no clue if that even made sense, people…))**

**To the story now…. ENJOY!! Plz read and review!!**

I glared ahead of me, out the dark window of the cop's stuffy little car. Damn. I cant believe he had found me, much less called Hatori! I didn't want to think of what he would say. I glances over to the cop sitting beside me, looking as sulky as I did. I suppose he had better things to do on a Saturday night than waiting for a stupid teenage runaway to be picked up by her cousin. Its not like I didn't feel regret for running away again, I just didn't care about those feelings. But I can honestly say I did NOT mind cutting into this fat guy's coffee/doughnuts me-time. 

I still looked ahead, cringing I the sweaty and smoky stench in the air. I almost didn't notice Hatori's car pull up beside the cop's. Almost. I climbed out, barely hearing my older cousin's thanks to the man for waiting for him to arrive.

I just closed the door behind me with much more force than needed, just to get my point across that I was not happy about returning to the estate. He didn't even flinch.

He drives through the quiet streets, not even glancing at me. The unnerving silence seems to go on forever, and it's finally broken by Haa-san, speaking softly.

"Rin, that was foolish." I knew that already.

"You had all of us worried very much." Worried? Yea right. They were probably all happy that I was gone.

"Aki-we don't want you to do that again." well, I had heard that one before, I just chose to ignore it.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I almost snorted. Fat chance.

"Rin," he looked at me, seriously in the eyes. That surprised me a bit. The only ones to do that is Tohru and- I quickly stopped myself. I absolutely didn't need to think about that. Hatori continued. "I want to trust you. You don't have to leave all the time. Please tell me?" I glared at him, then the road, and then my feet.

I had learned self-control. I may have wanted everyone to hear me when I was 6, but I was hardly a child anymore. I didn't need him. Besides, Tohru was more than enough company to have around. Still, I didn't want to consider her as a friend, much less my suddenly-interested-in-my-life cousin.

He sighed. We drove on for longer then we found the main house. It looked as closed off and foreboding as ever. I still didn't understand. They all told me to go outside more, not to stay locked up in my room all day. And as soon as I do, they tell me to come back in. the idiots.

He stopped the car, and we both got out, walking into the gate of the place some would call my home. He staired into the darkness, as if waiting for me to say something. He spoke slowly as if I would understand better the words coming from his mouth like poison.

"Akito asked of your visiting him tonight, Rin."

Akito. The name still struck fear in my heart. No, it was more then my heart- my entire body suddenly clashed with terror at that wretched name. My last encounter with 'God' had left me a scar on by back, and scars just seeming to heal over inside me ripping open again. I couldn't move.

My visiting him? I had stayed away from Haru; I had done as I'd been told! But, that day I saw him in the woods came to quickly. Did he know? What would he do? I silently wished that nothing had he found out, but still, dread encased me like an awful cloak.

"Come Rin," Hari's words broke my mind out of its trance, but I still did not speak, did not move. "Lets go," he said, leading me to the head's home. Every bone in my cold body yelled at me to not go, to turn and run back out the gates. But, somehow, as if my body laughed at death himself, my legs moved behind him, not attached to my body.

I soon found myself at his door, and closed my eyes, waiting. I would not crumble. I could be strong…or not. Hari knocked quietly, and I heard not a word from him to enter, but Hari opened the door, letting me inside. I heard a soft yet dripping with acid voice comes from the window.

"Thank you Hatori. You may leave now." And with that, Hari closed the door, putting me in a very dark room with the one I feared more then anything else in this lonely world.

I hear footsteps come to me from the place he had made himself heard. I stood there, wishing I could see where he was, but still even more relived that I could not. I feel the hair being lifted, caressed from the nape of my neck.

I begged myself not to move. Pleaded myself not to tremble. His lips came close to mine, and he whispered very softly into my mind, almost so that I could still feel the beat of my own heart in my head.

"Hello Rin."

**Yes, that is all. Sorry for the shortness ((note to self, learn if this is a word)) or it, I really DO try to write a lot…. but whatever. I will post a new chapter soon, but for now this is what you get…**

**Plz R and R!**

**-Fanchick111**


	2. The God's Wrath

**A/N:: hey dudes!! Fanchick hereas is u could get rid of me…**

**So yes, this is chapter two. I just noticed something totally weird….i only write about depressing stories. Huh. **

**I really do think this is a very random idea, and I believe that I should have better things to do than type endlessly about SOMETHING on my computer, but I really don't wanna try. so, here I sit; social life crumbling as we speak. **

**Anyway, its still from Rin's POV, and its just at the part where Rin is facing 'God' so…. ya…**

**Plz R and R!!**

I froze, unable to breath any longer. I was caught in this one second that passed like hours as if I was a deer caught in a headlight.

He lifted my hair and stroked it, just like Haru always did. Until this basterd ended my happiness. I shoved that thought out of my head as well. It was my own fault for a being a burden, a nuisance, a bother.

"Well, I am very happy you came to see me, I was waiting very patently for you." he cooed. I was going to be sick, I knew it. The only positive thought in my mind was that if I did get sick, hopefully I got HIM sick as well, and then I could run out of this wretched place.

I said not a word, fearful of what might come. He set my hair down again, but didn't move an inch from where he stood. His hand found its way to my arm, and he dug his clawish nails into me.

I didn't even cringe at the pain, even though it was tremendous and I could feel blood going down my hands, onto his clean wooden floors.

He chuckled at me, and released his death hold on my arm. "We've grown up some, haven't we?" I still remained quiet, the blood pulsing through me.

"Now, Rin, I think you must have some idea why you're here, do you not?" even if I knew and had the courage to say anything at all, my lips stayed pressed tightly shut, still caught in that second that was passing much too slowly.

"Well? Anything?" he waited for a moment, as if he loved the feel of my fear crawling all over me, and permeated the small room.

He took a step closer now, and I involuntarily tensed up. "I shall tell you why. It is because I wanted to make sure you where still keeping from my zodiac; you do remember what happened last time, right?" he barley touched the scar on my shoulder, but it was enough to send shivers down my spine.

He chucked mercilessly again. Would this ever end? "plus, I just wanted to see if you still respected me. Fear is the best form of respect, you see."

I wanted to scream, but I kept quiet, letting myself crumble underneath his invisible hammer. I waited until the final crush would come down, tearing me to pieces.

"You really aren't necessary, are you?" he held my shoulders tightly. "You are horrible. No wonder Haru said he hated you."

That was awful. I felt my heart crush much worse than it had when my parents said I shouldn't come home. Much worse than falling out that window, and worse than staying in that hospital.

I suppose I knew it all along; but that day when I was at Gure-nii's house, I thought different when Yuki said Haru still loved me. But, I guess I would hate someone who left me for no reason. I did, anyway.

But, still. Hate? I'm the worst. I am the most evil person alive. Worse than the hatful man holding my shoulders. But, I thought Haru had loved me in spite of all that.

I guess love really is just some stupid lie.

I turned quick on my heels, and I ran out of the room, out of the house. I heard Hatori calling after me, but I barely heard. I ran faster, and faster, letting my speed overtake me. I allowed myself to feel as fast as I did in my other form, and even more than that.

Out of the gates, out of the area, I stopped in the woods. As if on cue, it had started raining when I was in his house. I just now noticed that my long hair was wet and sticking to me, as well as my clothes.

I found a low rock, and sat under it. I curled my legs up to my chest, and laid my head down on my knees. I was now sure of what I had thought so many times.

I am a nothing. Worthless, horrible, unneeded. All I could blame was myself. For all the pain I've received in my years, none was as great as now.

I sat still, and fell to sleep, waiting for new, redeeming hope.

**Hey, that's it. Again, short I know but, whatever. So sad….I wonder what will happen next….you know as much as I do, so leave an idea with your review!! Later,**

**Fanchick**


	3. Safe?

**A/N:: hey- fanchick here!! This is chapter three…srry it took so long to post, but I had no idea what to happen. **

**So, part of this idea is credit to RinHaru4ever so thanks SO MUCH :3 u rocks!!!**

**Ok dudes, I believe that with school and the school projects, I am low on TIME AND IDEAS. So please, feel free (keep the bras on, ladies, ok? We're not hippies…) to offer ideas or things you think should happen:3**

**I got stuck on this idea a bit, so forgive my writing. I am probably delirious as I am typing all this out; so don't be TOO harsh…please? But, I am always open to constructive criticism. **

**I have a recent obsession with fruits basket once more, so be prepared XD I am working on 3 other stories right now, so forgive my always-reliable lateness of things.**

**On with the story!!! **

**Chapter 3- Safe?**

I woke up to a girl's voice above me. It sounded familiar… "Isuzu-san?" the high tone asked worriedly. "Are you alright?" I opened my eyes to see the infamous Tohru Honda hovering above me. Yuki was also near by, looking on, as if in a freaking zoo.

Dammed.

As if I knew I would run all the way across the city to get to Gure-nii's property. I truly disgust myself with my utter stupidity sometimes. I was about to ask what they were doing there, and to get lost, but seeing as I was on their ground, I said nothing.

"Rin, why don't we get you back to the house," Yuki stated quietly. "Can you stand?" I glared at him and stood weakly, by legs giving out from under me. I wavered for a moment, but managed to stand tall. I guess I should have eaten something before I ran two days ago. Again, stupidity taking over.

I walked forward, toward the house –hopefully?- and Tohru went beside me, for once, silent. The occasional 'do you want me to carry you' came from my younger cousin but I ignored to offer, my eyes set forward. I couldn't believe I was going to Gure-nii's house. He would, no dought, call Haa-san and then… I didn't want to remember what might wait for me 'there'.

As soon as we reached seeing distance of the house, Shigure stood in the doorway, smiling at first, and then slowly replacing it with a look of confusion and remorse. I kept firm eye contact with him, not letting my mental daggers stop attacking him. As if to take the message, she broke the awkward silence saying "Rin, what-"

At that point, Kyo ran out and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of me. I bet he was taking double takes or something, because he looked as confused as Shigure.

He didn't say anything at all, just staired. We all sat like that for a moment, in awkward silence. Finally, Tohru moved forward, and took my hand like a mother leading her child. "Come inside, Isuzu-san. I'll make some tea and lunch. You must be hungry!" she was smiling again with that stupid grin on her face. I couldn't help but feel not so tired, not so hungry, and not so hurt when I saw that smile.

I let her bring me inside and I kneeled by the table. She brought over a pot of hot water and out it on the stove with some leaves. I didn't need to look up from the table to know that all the other eyes were still glued to me.

I must have been quite dirty looking because Yuki stepped forward. "I'll fill a bath for you." I didn't say anything, but he walked off and did what he had said. Shigure sat at the table with me as well as Kyo. They seemed to be acting at least a bit normal again.

"So, why are you here?" Kyo half-demanded-half –asked. I was about to say something sarcastic but was cut off my Gure-nii. "Kyo, she's tired and hungry, no dought. Your stupid questions will only tire her more, you know."

Kyo rebelled against Shigure. "What the hell are you saying?! I was just wondering! It doesn't kill her to answer a question, idiot!"

"Oh, you are quite the eccentric boy, aren't you Kyo-kun?"

"I TOLD YOU, DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

I would burst out in laughter at this point, but something inside held me back. Not only did I just not laugh, but there was something on the other end of this conversation. I felt tension in the air as stiff as Kagura-neesan's tea.

I would join Tohru in the kitchen, see if I could help, but I would have just messed it up. I was no good of a cook, and she wouldn't want my help. Yuki walked back in and stood in the doorway, and looked at me.

"Rin, the bath is ready." He said plainly. Yuki was obviously in no mood for being very hospitable, after my last comment to him. 'Just a toy', I had called him. Huh. Who's the toy now, Rin?

I walked past him and went upstairs, trying not to drag my feet. My boots were still on, and I was surprised that they hadn't told me to take them off, or comment on how horribly rude that was. I was always getting lectured about that.

I undressed and sat in the tub, letting the heat overwhelm me and the stem fill my nose. I sat back and thought about what had gotten me here, in Gure-nii's house, so quickly.

The last night's events had taken a toll on my mind. He hated me, I knew it, and he was intent on ruining my life. He had done so much already. So much that was still, after a year, so hard to talk about, let alone, think of. Letting that be as it is, I sat for a long while, pushing myself underwater, having the feeling of flying fill me up.

I let my thoughts of Haru come. I remembered him saying he loved me, of him holding me. I wanted all of that. I wanted it more than anything. More than life itself.

I had thought about suicide, who wouldn't in my situation? But, I knew that crazy god wanted me to give up, so that alone kept me alive. I wanted to shove my existence in his face, in my parents who gave up on me, and I wanted to show the world that I could do something. I wanted to show everyone.

So, with that lone thought, I kept living, as hard as I could. And it was getting harder every day. But, I wanted to keep trying, because I never said Isuzu Sohma was a quitter. I didn't intend to.

I stepped out of the bath, and saw that Tohru had slipped a clean kimono into the bathing room. I put it on and ran my fingers though my hair to comb it. Opening the door, I stepped out and Tohru's wonderful food filled my nose.

I went downstairs, where she was setting up for lunch. I went over, and under the scrutiny of my cousins, I picked up the bowls and plates and set them out by chopsticks. I looked up at Tohru to see if I had done it right, and she smiled at me.

We sat down and she poured tea and we said a prayer. Kyo picked up his chopsticks. "It's about time," he stated. "I was starving!" I knew that Kyo tried to seem all stiff, but he was grateful for Tohru, like all the Sohmas. But, did I hear a hint of something else in his voice? Was it the same thing that used to fill Haru's words and make my smile everyday?

As if Tohru knew I was going to be here, she set out gelatin. I was grateful for this much at the very least. We ate, and for once, I ate without caring if others were watching. I was hungry. Even I, Isuzu Sohma can't be _that_ stupid.

We went thought eh meal, and by the end, it occurred to me that this was the first meal in a year that I had eaten with someone. I surprised myself with this sudden change. Maybe it was Tohru that did it, or possibly that thought of Hatsuharu surrounding me. I didn't have much time to think before Shigure once more spoke.

"I think I should call Hatori, Rin. You look to pale, and I don't think they know-" it took that much for me to get up and start for the door. I was absolutely not going back, not now. Now ever. I wouldn't.

"Rin!" Yuki gasped, probably surprised how I could be so sick but still run so quickly. I opened the door and ran outside. It was daylight, so I could-

I stopped. I felt my head go dizzy. I couldn't see. Damn.

The last thing I saw was Tohru running for me, arms out. Then everything went dark, and I hoped mama didn't see me.

**Ok, so that's all…short, I know…but, whatever. Again, open to ideas, peeps, I need you guys! XD Plz R and R!! **

**-over and out, fanchick**


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